Yes, here comes another bitchy complainy post of mine. I'm not fooled about what people think of me. I know I'm a bitch. But... I gotta get this out.

So my husband quits his job. Lose our insurance. No longer have paychecks coming in. Now it's a struggle to figure out how to get the damn groceries. All the help I was getting, I owe about $500. No way to pay it. I'm sure they'll come after me. Can't stay on my meds. What did I do all that for? Really, why did I even bother getting help?

This is the perfect time of year to have all this happen too. Yeah, thanks.

My aunt fell. She had a stroke a while back. So she fell today... My mom had to go over there and take care of her.

My gramma has COPD and now bronchitis and she's been sick for a couple weeks now. Her blood pressure was 98/40 yesterday. She's currently lying face down on her bed groaning. She says she's okay, but... I just keep checking to make sure she's still breathing.

pretty sure my mom got another notice to pay the mortgage or whatever. She can't afford this house. I wonder when we're all going to be kicked out.

Why not just go be homeless? I mean, really...

I'm overwhelmed.

Add to that nightmares and flashbacks and shit like that.

I'm just overwhelmed.

But I'm so soo soooo sorry to everyone who has to put up with me and my bitchy self. You can all carry on with life and just forget me. Really. I get it. I do...

I almost forgot it was hump day! Boy I'm out of it. Happy Hump Day!

Smiles.

I was hoping to get on here today and announce something...

However, nope.

You will just have to wait. I will say that it's a good thing.

I am a little bummed.

Oh well. Very soon, You will know what I'm talking about.

And it all comes to an end...

Best I could do...

I apologize for my endless amounts of ranting, but i just have too right now. I will post pictures or something positive soon, I promise.

I once was an apartment manager. I held down that job and earned HALF, yes HALF, of our income. At first, my husband kept his cab driving job, so we'd have insurance and extra cash, but eventually he quit and managed with me, but he did maintenance. I may not have been in different apartments, doing random maintenance jobs, but believe me... office work at an apartment is also pretty damn complicated.

You take complaints. Maintenance complaints, noise complaints, etc...

You take rent payments. We did not have computers for that. it was all in a ledger book. All by hand. I did that. It was quite a system, but I was used to that and okay with it.

You show apartments and try and "sell" them to people. answer questions.

Answer the phones

You try to keep a bunch of people happy and, believe me, it's not always possible.

You deal with crazy shits.

And really, I'm just happy that 85% of the tenants were decent human beings. but you always have the crazy ones who slip through. I would try my hardest to keep out the crazies, but people can fool you.

My point though is, my husband really talks down to me. He talked down to me then, he still talks down to me. And you can say, "Just leave, Megan". And I wouldn't disagree with that. But when you're scared of someone, it can be complicated. I'm working on getting strength. Until then, this is my frustration coming out.

I eventually had Brianna. While I'm trying to heal from giving birth, try and breastfeed my baby, hold her and bond with her, I still had to care for the office. I didn't get no stupid maternity leave. Pssh.

I EARNED half of our income. And yet, when we had a discussion about which type of juice we prefered, and I mentioned that I preffered bottled juice to frozen, my husband says to me, "Well, you can get a job and pay for it yourself".

AND I WAS WORKING, DAMNIT.

I had to call him and get permission to get an effing nursing bra!  A NURSING BRA!

*^#%^

I remember after we were first married, I wanted to get a CD. Yes, a $12 CD. And granted, at the time, I didn't work, but I was SOOO scared to ask him if I could get it. So scared. My voice was shaking, I was almost in tears asking him and he let me.

BUT WHY SHOULD I FEEL THAT WAY?!?!?!

i recently made a purchase and got told that, "since you don't earn the money..."

And he has also said that if I want a specific car, I need to get a job and pay for it.

I at one time did earn half of our money.

And I have been taking care of our child.

And I guess I don't deserve shit.

Did I mention how much I love men? Lol...

Good news, my back pain is pretty much gone today. Which is awesome.

So the other day, I went to a movie. I prefer comedies or just... decent movies. There aren't many. In fact, actually, kids movies are probably the best anymore. We ended up seeing Elysium. No, I did NOT want to see it, but I got dragged to it anyway. I think most of the movie, I had my head down. Too.Much.Blood.

I still don't get the point of going to a movie and watching people get stabbed and shot and mutilated and all sorts of stuff like that. Why do people enjoy violence? I find that disturbing.

My one cat, amidala, who usually is scared and hiding and doesn't like people, she doesn't even usually like me, is now... well she now likes me. She even lets Brianna pet her and both of the cats are scared of her! lol  She's been my little cuddle bug lately. I hope she is not sick. She doesn't seem sick. She has hissed at me twice, but she still wants to be pet and curl up with me. I still can't figure out why she hissed at me. But she loves me! And now anakin is jealous, lol.

And tonight, I get to work on pics on the computer. Woo. Finally.

When you're done with work, you can be as lazy as you want! Your work is done!

*For the record, I have held down a job WHILE caring for a newborn and taking care of our apartment. So I know!*

You never have to be worried about being fired from your job for being pregnant.

In fact, you never have to worry about being pregnant ever! That fear, you will just never know (and you also don't get to know the joys of it, which does suck for you)

You don't have to bleed out of your penis every gosh darn 28 days!

You can use a condom, which does not have side affects like "heart attack, stroke and blood clots!"

You can be as slutty as you want, and you won't be labled as a slut. In fact, you'll get a pat on the back and praised. Go you.

But my main thing is the lazy thing...

Funny thing, I've had some back pain recently. It's been pretty bad. So I was sitting on a heating pad and then all of a sudden one spot on my back got really hot and burned and then I checked it quickly and saw that it was smoking... Yeah, stupid thing was getting a hole burned through it. Thankfully, no fire. But still, burned my back.  Anywhoo, I've been having back pain every day for the last several days...

Yet, my husband couldn't sleep well (even though he was asleep before i was) and therefore couldn't wake up with us and wanted to sleep in.

he also didn't want to get out in the rain to pick up our daughter from school.

I still would have to rake up the rest of the leaves in the yard...

We come home from our day out and I have to make dinner, wash the dishes, do the laundry, fold his laundry and put it away. And my back is killing me. Thanks!

And yay for me, my nightly routine has just been ruined because he's home.

I lost my space. I lost my time.

Oh yeah, and you men don't have to walk around with your boobs trapped in a thing they call a "bra".

*rolls eyes*. Of course, it is getting to that blessed time of year when we can wear coats and that can conceal that ... The other day, I went shopping without a bra on! best thing ever!

And it would really be nice to be able to run at night, without the fear of gosh darn stupid rapists. Or go running in a park alone. Or whatever. but noooo, we should always have a buddy, because heaven freaking forbid that happen.

My dad can go eat nails.

Sorry... just letting out some frustration...

And yeah, my husband was again going off on how sex is mainly for procreation... In that case, I REALLY WANT TO BE A MAN. Being able to just have a bunch of kids and my only contribution to getting them here is an orgasm? Yeah, let me sign up for that please...

This is my apology for cuss filled, woe is me posts. I am really not a terrible person. Have a good one guys!