If only making friends wasn’t so hard…

You have to somehow just throw yourself out there, but that’s not me. I’m painfully shy. I have nothing interesting to say. I’m awkward. It’s rough. And I really do miss having that friend that you can pretty much talk about anything with, it’s not awkward, you just understand each other and have similar hobbies to enjoy together.

Oy…

Somedays I think, hmm… maybe it’s possible…

and then I feel like reality slaps me in the face and I just go back to hiding…

Oh well…

This place is just… so not what it used to be. Xanga is pretty depressing right now.

Interesting.  they say, without thinking too much about it, just write whatever comes to mind. “I am…”

I did that for other people as well.

It’s easier to see and even point out the good qualities in others.

And it’s so easy to see and point out all the negative things about ones self.

My list was mostly negative.

I’ve been feeling kinda blah, lately. there is a lot of things I don’t like about myself and, even if I’m told different, I tend to doubt and not believe it.

Meh. I dunno.

but, I’m trying to come up with ways to help that. work in progress.

where there is one breakthrough, there must be more coming. Or at least I can hope!

I dyed my hair. now it’s got some red . First time i ever did that by myself. I don’t think I quite did it enough, but that’s probably for the best. At least its not something super dramatic, lol. but I like it.

I am tired.

And I feel like I made a bit of a breakthrough.

Shut up or talk.

I think that’s what it boils down too.

I think that talking helps, but then I’m wrong. I’m trying to figure out exactly what to do, which path to take and who not to rely on or trust (which is most everyone, at this point) and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.

This whole year… all of 2014…  I don’t think there’s been one day I haven’t cried. I don’t think there’s been one day that I’ve felt truly “happy”. I’m a mess. And the more I try to find someone to listen, the worse it gets.

I feel like I should just shut the hell up and hide away in my hole, cut people out of my life. What are friends and family for? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I feel like my heart has been crushed a million times and it kills me.

I serioulsy just hope to survive this. Cause i’m not sure i have it in me…

I start to think that, maybe, if I wasn’t for men in general, we women wouldn’t be so damn insecure!

I got my haircut recently. It’s shorter than even I wanted, as the girl gets snip happy. I’m not the only one who feels that way. Anyway, I just remember comments….

Like, don’t cut your hair too short.

Or I liked your long hair better

or, long hair is sexy…

Of course, there are probably dudes who think short hair is sexy. And it really shouldn’t be about the hair, but how the girl pulls it off.

All I can say is, all the comments I’ve seemed to get about hair, have made me pretty damn ax