*Sadly, this post comes with no picture*

*This is a post from October 4, 2009, about my sisters "personal bridal shower". I've been reading back through my old blogs and reliving the good ol days here on xanga. Enjoy.*

Last night was my sisters personal bridal shower.  It was my first "Girls Night Out".  She had yellow caution tape up that said "caution, wild women!".  It was hilarious.  At first we were told there would be no penis cake as the penis cake pan was in another state. Evidently, the host went out and bought another one.  I was glad I left Bri at home with her dad!  Steph got a penis necklace and bracelet and got a special penis straw.  My mother and gramma were horrified.  You also have to remember that everyone at the party, goes to a Baptist church.  For that reason alone, I was having a ton of fun.  The only ones who had weird reactions to things, was my mother, of course.  When Steph opened a gift that was a thong, i thought my mother was going to keel over.  It was hilarious.  That was my first experience (hopefully not my last) eating a penis cake!  She got some cute lingerie (did I spell that right?) too.    Oh and we also played a pretty cool game, so for any of you who will be throwing one of these, here's a good idea.  The host passed out a paper that had "I hate ______ (household chore) because" __________________.  We had to list our worst household chore and our reason.  We all passed it to the left and instead of saying the chore we hated, we had to say "sex".  So, for example, mine went like this, "I hate sex, because It's just a necessary evil, I get no joy out of it and it's too much work".  haha.  My chore was yardwork, by the way.  Such fun!

Sometimes dreams are way better than reality. Well, for me, most of the time they are. I kinda live for the fantasy or the dream. Because these things in my mind will probably never happen for real, but in my mind... anything can happen. you can imagine anything and whatever...

Oh man, I'm horrible at explaining things.

I talked about this on my wordpress. About how I can be doing just about anything and start to day dream about something. Then all of a sudden, something snaps me back to reality. Sometimes it's nice, because the thought makes me smile. Other times, it's like a slap in the face. It's like, oh yeah, that's not how it is... this is how it is. This is life... Yay.

But I feel bad saying that.

I don't know what the future holds for me. I hardly know who I am really. I probably know enough.

But sometimes I wish I could just get lost in the dream and not wake up. That would be way more pleasant.

But I'm still horrible at explaing exactly what I mean. There's a communication barrier in my head. It's like these thoughts are there and i Know what they are, but expressing them adequately enough is challenging. It's been this way for a while. It's really irritating.

And so sometimes, I don't even want to bother explaining stuff. I'd rather just keep it all inside, because the irritation that comes with trying to explain it all is not fun. not fun at all.

In other news, I'm going to go run... Sweat out some frustration. And day dream. Day dream about good things, that make me happy and forget reality for a while. Ahhhh.

Last February, I had asked xangans to give me challenges/dares. One that was given was to have a fake xanga fight and make people choose sides. Well, my good xanga friend and I brainstormed some ideas, but we thought it best to do a Michigan Vs. Texas fight. Anyway, I was just reading back through the posts and comments and was cracking up. This was a good xanga memory. And now I will share for those who missed it. because I know deep down you really do care! 

So it started like this...

I made a post titled, "Michigan Girls Do it Better" (which is still true, btw!)

She then made a post in response to that one. I'm going to quote some things, but not the whole thing...

"So this is in reply to @Megabyyte and her crazy post. Does she SERIOUSLY think that MI is all that? If so, she's got some screws loose!"

She then posted pictures to set me straight.

"You (and MI) just got schooled. Don't mess with the best. (Enjoy your cold Feb weather while I enjoy 60+ degrees in Feb. Oh yeah.)"

Then I made a response post titled, "WHY SO MUCH HATE FOR MICHIGAN?!?!"

"So my "best friend" kim, @mytwocentss, thinks I'M crazy and delusional for having pride for my great 'ol homestate of Michigan!

Read it here

http://mytwocentss.xanga.com/759377788/michigan-heck-no--texas-all-the-way/

Then she posted THIS comment on my post "Michigan Girls Do It better" (WHICH IS STILL SO TRUE. HELLO!)

"Yeah. I had no idea that you were crazy enough to be delusional like this Megan! Seriously?! Michigan is ALL that, you think? Yep. Think again.

Xanga needs a "DISLIKE" button.

Check it out. I'm about to give you a lesson. LINK"

And this WHOLE time, I thought she was my best friend. Now I feel like crying. How can she NOT see how much Michigan means to me?!?!

Then she told me this!!!!!!!!

@Megabyyte - I knew you LIVED there I just didn't know you bought into the cult thinking that MI was actually a desirable state. After all, didn't you mention wanting to move? Yeah, even you must realize deep down that MI is NOT so great.

So, okay, @mytwocentss, you want to school me on how Texas is so much bettter?

This is for you, and anyone who agrees with you. *SOME FRIENDS YOU ALL ARE!*

I'm a proud Michigan CHICK. You got a problem with that, punk?

TALK TO THE HAND. Literally! "

then I posted pictures and the comment "war" ensued. And the whole time, we were messaging each other back and forth laughing our butts off. It was just too fun. So some highlights from that!

@megabyyte - "Here you go.

Michigan: A state where you can't keep a job because everything's either downsizing or moving to mexico.

Michigan... I'm unemployed and cold... wheeeee!!

The state consisting of two seasons; winter and construction.Nobody should live or pass through Michigan

Source. Don't shoot the messenger. *shrugs*

If you gotta keep tellin' yourself how great MI is to survive, you do that. I'll be waiting for you to come around."

~~~

@MyTwoCentss - Oh, oh, you want to go there? Two can play at this game

If you don't like the weather in Texas, wait five minutes.

Texas is the home of the playas and pimps. I mean, really? that's positive, right?

where everything is bigger, including the egos."wow, look at how much the texas football team is overrated this year!"

~~~

@Megabyyte - The MI one was based on truth. Lots of cold, construction, lack of jobs. TRUTH.

The weather thing I heard first in Ohio so that doesn't even really apply to ONLY TX.

As for the rest, can't you tell (common sense) just by reading that those comments are derived from JEALOUSY?! C'mon, I thought you were smarter than that.  

~~

@MyTwoCentss - Difference Between Yankee Zoo & Texas Zoo

What's the real difference between a Yankee Zoo and a Texas Zoo?

On the cage, a Yankee Zoo will have the name of the animal and then the
scientific name in Latin.

Whereas, a Texas Zoo will have the name of the
animal and the recipe.....! 

~~

@Megabyyte - *shrugs* When you have no sense of humor perhaps things begin to go over your head.

How about this. There's a Hell, Michigan. Yep. 'Nuff said.

Also, Eminem & Kid Rock were born in MI. Yeah, great representation of MI & it's peeps.

"Michigan Has Two Peninsulas: Lower
and Crazy." Source

~~

@MyTwoCentss - There's a Ding Dong, Texas. 'Nuff said! 

~~

@Megabyyte - Yep. Ever ate a ding dong? DElicious! Such a weak come back. MI must've zapped your thinking skills.

~~

@MyTwoCentss - Michigan zapped my thinking? Really? And everyone in Texas is just brilliant. Check out this bizzarre law by the brilliant texans

"When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone."

"A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed."

JUST BRILLIANT. Yeah, but Michigan is soooooo crazy. Yeah. Right!

~~

"Oh yeah! TX has got it goin' on! You know when The Doug (TM) is rollin' through the state we tip our hats to ya in salute. We know cool when we see it."

~~

@MyTwoCentss - Yeah, well, you two love birds can fly off into the texas wind, for all I care!

@MyTwoCentss - You see cool. I see drool. 

~~

@Megabyyte - Man, there goes that soft MI mind of yours. I'm MARRIED. And you called yourself my best friend. HA! Shows how much you know. Maybe it was good this all came to light in the end. 

@Megabyyte - Get your eyes checked.  

~~

@MyTwoCentss - My eyes checked? My eyes are fine. Get your brain checked. Because Michigan rules, texas drools every single day, yo! Get that straight.

it is sad, though. At least it comes out NOW. Grrr... and I thought we could be best buds. 

~~

@Megabyyte - TX & MI just don't mix. TX is too for MI.

~~

 

@MyTwoCentss - You're right, texans just think they're too cool for Michigan. It's okay. They don't know any better. They're just conditioned to believe that "everything is bigger in Texas" so that has to include their sense of self. You guys just don't know any better. Awwww.... 

~~

@Megabyyte - You're such a child.

~~

@MyTwoCentss - LOL... LOOK IN THE MIRROR, WHEN YOU SAY THAT. Especially when the G for my name is "gassy". REALLY? Proof in point.

And you know I have a point with that. Seriously.

~~

@Megabyyte - Yep. You're letting out hot air - gassy.

@MyTwoCentss - Don't go blowing your hot air on my blog posts where I'm trying to be mature & move on from this lame topic of MI.

~~

@MyTwoCentss - I must repeat...

Wait, you're from Texas and you can read?!?!

~~

@Megabyyte - Better & faster than you I'm sure. Although I never went through the TX education system. I went through the IN education system. GOOOO Hoosiers!

~~

@MyTwoCentss - You think you're sooooo clever, huh? It's that Texas sized ego. shame, shame!

~~

@Megabyyte - Yeah, well. This "over-sized" ego is gonna take your state mitten & smack the smug off your face if you're not careful!

*********

And then we did name acronyms and state acronyms, like this...

Mine was this,

"

K- Kooky

I - Immature AND Insane

M- Malicious

*!*!*!*!

T- Terrible

E - Egotistic

X- Xanthippe *LOOK IT UP*

A- Abomination

S- So Stinking Stupid

How'd ya like that, punk?!"

And her's was...

M = Mean

E = Eccentric

G = Gassy

A = Atrocious

N = Negative Nelly

 

And I guess she didn't do one for Michigan, lol.

Anyway, it was fun. I think I'd have to say she won, because she was way more witty than me, lol. I never claimed to be good at this, but I gave it my best shot! I just remember those nights of laughing in messages to each other and all the pics we posted and it was just fun.

Ah, the memories. So hope you enjoyed that. lol

Sorry it's so long! lol

 

This is a distraction post. Sometimes, I start to feel awfully awkward and embarrassed over stuff. Then I feel like I just need to shut up for a while and post something to distract from that. Maybe that would be a feeling I wouldn't miss? Yeah. So here. Have a laugh or something!

Hmm, sound familiar, xangans?

Have a good thursday!

Happy Hump Day! 

Boots and all!

Streets I walk.

Wait, did that sound right?

Ha, had to take a picture of this!

That rock says, "Friendship is a sheltering tree". I walk by this and never get a pic. So i decided to finally get one!

Have a humping good day! 

Many eons ago, when I was 18 and dumb, I had some pretty awful posts, lol. I went back and looked one day and even I was shocked at some of the stuff I said. Holy cow. lol Then it totally made sense why someone got mad at me, haha.

I met this girl named Sarah. She lived in Canada. But we were in Vegas at the time, so it was far then, maybe not so far now. She was like a big sister type, I could talk to her about stuff and she was there for me and had good advice. Well, my husband, believe it or not, was on xanga too at the time and was also friends with her. We also played Second LIfe together. Anyone remember or still play that game? Cause I sure as heck dont! lol Anyway, my husband ended up pissing her off. She sent him a big long rant and told him it was basically his fault that he ruined OUR friendship. She never was friends with ME again. LIke, see how you're gonna hurt your wife?

Ha, and that was years ago...

If you didn't know, this is where I met my husband. No.Kidding.

He had the site name of hllrider. Something like that. We chatted it up here, then moved to IM, then moved to phone calls, then he said he'd only come out and meet me if I agreed to marry him, lol. So I agreed and he came and visited me. We got married a month later.

Boy how stupid I was! haha *Um, I may have to lock up my page after saying that one.*

If you're gonna meet and marry someone off of xanga, make sure of one thing! You have to spend time together in person more than like a day, first! lol Because, you never know! Ppl are ... different! lol

I then flew back to vegas with him, married him and yep. yep. yep.

To this day, he is the only xangan I have ever met! I want to meet more!

OH and he hates xanga now. He thinks it's drama central. So says the guy who created a revelife account JUST to argue wtih someone.

It was after he set up the revelife account, that I started prot. posting more! lol

But he never really used it besides one comment. and he didn't understand how replys worked. I just had to laugh. I'm thinking, he's not gonna see your comment! You have to hit reply... lol Then he'd see. But he never did! lol

The reason I came to xanga was because I had my frist online boyfriend. It lasted about a day, you know.... us being BF/GF. lol But, he was nice dude. HIs name was grant and he was from missouri. HIs ex gf had a xanga. that's how I ended up here.

At first, I thought xanga looked ugly and stupid! haha. No kidding. I'm like, ewww... the pages looked gross. I started off at livejournal.

Anyway, I ended up here and never looked back. I still wonder if I could find that girl! And some of her friends. Grant was never on here, though.

We IMed one night and he gave me her IM and he was like, "Message her and ask her what an ice storm is". So I did. She wrote me off as a dumb ass and blocked me. But we thought it was kinda funny. lol

Ah, 16... lol

That's not a xanga memory, but anyway...

I may have to come up with more some other time. But that's all I have time for now.

I was actually going to do this a while back, just for the hell of it. BUt I'm going to go back through my blog from when I was 18/19 and then my last one and post some of my favorites! Just so you can see! You know, if you even care. I think it's kinda funny! I mean, might as well!

Turns out this is one grumpy monday I'm actually, gasp, grumpy!

I saw some good grumpy cat this week. I'll share all of them...

Things that make me grumpy?

Pretty much everything!

Oh to kind of cheer up the place a little, I did make a vlog. And regardless how it sounds, it's not some mushy goodbye vlog. *rolls eyes*. I am simply expressing that you xangan people are awesome and I love you guys, no matter wht happens!

And as I've said before (I think?), The relationships that matter will last because we will find a way.

I made this a couple days ago. Watch if you want. I do want to keep "vlogging" like that...

And typically when I say something, I actually mean what I say.

But back to grumpiness. Grrr!

Actually, that's all I have for today.

Here's a quote from this weekend,

"I want to play that game that blows. the one with the balls"

It is actually a game where you blow fuzzy balls around. But I love it, because of my wonderfully dirty mind.

Now go out there and have a grumpy monday!

 

Right.

So today was kind of rough. In fact, I really want to make this protected, as I'm not always comfortable sharing this level of ... Oh forget it.

Today was kind of rough. In fact, I'm a little too numb and hurt to really even cry. It's there.

Earlier I sat in front of my bathroom door, ready to let the tears just come. I had people in the house and sometimes... there's just no place to really cry.

I remember a book about that. No place to cry. It was about abuse. But anyway!

I didn't. I found my little way to numb myself. It doesn't work very well.

I had an interesting conversation with someone...

"You seemed to be better friends with them, before everything happened with you dad"

All I said was

"Well, talking about this is only going to make me cry"

YOu know what? yeah. I was better friends with everyone, before everything happened with my dad.

My best friend didn't want to hear about it. It stressed her out to much. I had another friend who was there for me and my other friend got jealous. So then I was in counseling with my youth pastors wife and shared with her the battle with my friends. How my one friend would call me on the phone and bash the other one. Well, she denied it of course. See, when you get counseling from a pastors wife, I guess nothing is really confidential, like it would be if you went to an actual, you know, skilled therapist, because she wanted to sit down with my friends and hash it out. My one friend denied she didn't like the other one. The other one said she really liked the other one. I looked like the crazy one and I was pissed at all of them.

but yeah, you know, my best friend ditched me a lot in highschool, for the more popular girls.

I mean, you know, when you're in highschool, it's best to stick with the pretty, skinny cheerleader chicks, who all the guys drool over, because then you're instantly popular too. Who cares if your best friend doesn't fit into that category. She ditched me all the time, but we'd hang out later and it was always good. I mean, I could really be myself around her.

But I went a little crazy and needed some help and our friendship fell apart.

Another friend was abused by my dad, too. Once it all came out, it was hard to really stay friends. Lots of feelings on both sides and it just never really worked out.

And the other one, well, I dunno!

They all have lives, are doing important things and didn't have kids young. In fact, none of them are married.

So apparently my problem is that I need friends. And I can't reconnect for whatever reason.

I don't want to hurt anyone. And I don't want to get hurt either.

and yeah... maybe if things had never happened the way they did, it wouldn't have been such a struggle.

But what does it matter, right?

It doesn't.

I feel like I have a huge weight on my chest and it's just getting heavier and heavier by the minute and I'm not sure what to do.

There is so much spinning around in my head right now. So many things. I can't even focus anymore.

And then I think... damn! What the hell kind of person am I?

I'm used to being the big disappointment. Not sure I should really try something different now. Why bother?

I mean, lord knows I try. But I don't know ... trying to be good enough. And I'm always constantly reminded of exactly how little I feel like I'm worth.

And all those lies, all those lies just repeat in my head.

You try listening to the same lies for years of your life and try turning it off. I'm sick of people acting like it's so damn easy. You try it sometime. Quit telling me, god damnit, that I just need to silence that damn voice! I heard that damn voice telling me I was worthless, stupid, ugly, a bitch, for years, years, years of my life. I don't even want to hear it anymore.

Ha, whatever.

I know what I've done to myself. I did nothing but further all of it. You can ruin yourself that way. And boy did I. And on the road to put myself back together, well... it just is what it is. I feel completely effing worthless.

Two blogs in one! I was going to start a kickstarter, so that people could donate smaller amounts of money to save xanga. Seemed a pretty safe option. Oh, except that the rewards have to be fair and, well, my rewards aren't worth anything, so... I dunno!

And the other reality is that many people here don't give a shit anymore, so whatever. You all go do whatever you want. The relationships around here that actually matter, will last because we find a way to make it last. For the others, well, clearly it didn't mean that much, so adios! have a good life. The amount of negativity everywhere is just annoying as hell, so forget it. Go ahead and give up and be negative. I don't give a F***.

ha, I created a seperate facebook, thinking it would work much like xanga pulse. And I feel free now that I don't have family on there, but just xangans. But I still can't seem to post anything, lol. Still seems awkward. Oh well! I'll suppose I'll get used to it in time!

I loved doing The Color Run.

It was just the best day! It's something fun, you don't get to do just every day. Normally I hate being out in large crowds of people, but that was fun and I felt in my element and I didn't want it to end. And I can't wait to do it again next year! It really felt like one of the best days of my life!

There were many times, not just with the color run, where I would think, "This is so neat, I can't wait to share this on my blog!"

Anyway.

Just thought I'd share that, for whatever it's even worth anymore...

I'm going to be blunt.

I seriously believe this can be done. I seriously DON'T want to see xanga shut down.

I know many many people had complaints with xanga for a long time about random crap. I don't even give a shit anymore. You know what's MORE important than all of that? Keeping this place alive.

And if they need money, so be it!

Why are we giving up so easily? Why?

I'm not going to!

I am very willing to sell pictures, to raise money for xanga.

If you can't come up with $48 right now, or even in the next month, what about $5 for a picture? Why can't we try and find a point person, who can collect up smaller amounts of money to pool together? I know that doesn't solve the problem of paying to blog later on, but for now... it's a start. it's something!

I'm willing to do that. I'm willing to sell pictures. I'm willing to collect smaller donations to pool together purchase one of the packages and hopefully contribute to keeping this place alive.

I mean, c'mon!

We should try. I'm not giving up. It was so encouraging to see that, in 2 days, they raised $15,000 almost. So that's great! I think this is doable, if we just try.

And honestly, I'm in the same financially effed up boat, too, but this place is worth it to me. I'm not going to just let it sink and not try something. This is home to me. and I don't care about past issues. To hell with it! Yeah, I was irritated with it at first and yeah I wish we had more time...

but I want xanga to live, even if it's different.

So if you're willing to donate smaller amounts, let me know. If you want to buy a picture from me, let me know. I will do just about anything (well, lol, you know what I mean).

I'm just saying! Anyone have any thoughts on this? Cause I don't mind them.

But ... I refuse to just give up and let xanga die. So I'll try whatever! And if you've supported xanga, good for you! That makes me so happy! And I hope there is many more and we can keep this place kicking. I think it's worth the money. Honestly.

So, give me thoughts I guess. What do you think of my ideas? Is anyone even willing to try?

And please please please, if you can, go support this!!!