the reality is, I have a hard time expressing things, so I’m not sure how much sense this will make.

Things trigger me. They trigger feelings and memories and stuff like that. Just today, I caught a part of a movie that … well … I dunno, It made me want to panic. And in my mind, I tried to tell myself… “It’s not the past, this is the present and you’re not being hurt”.

But speaking of triggers… some PEOPLE can be triggers. And I feel absolutely terrible about that. because, I don’t want to seem like a big meanie. My problems are no one elses problems. My feelings are not the responsiblity of anyone else and I feel like, in a way, I will take it out on them. I mean… I have two thoughts. I can just try and, well, “get over it”, be as good of a friend as i can and just privately try and deal with my own issues. Or two, eliminate the people from wherever. But then I feel guilty. It’s not like anyone is purposefully triggering me, it’s my problem. But to be honest? I do better when I’m not exposed to things.

So, any thoughts on that?

As for my mission, well… I guess I’m two days in with two days of success. Sort of. It’s kinda been hell. All the days before that, I fell flat on my ass. In some ways, I suppose.

Gah. Anyway!

2014 will, hopefully, be the year of walks! We didn’t manage to do the Jingle walk (for arthritis) this month, but hopefully next year! And then March of Dimes is in April, relay for life in May, color run in june! Yuppp! Things to look forward to.

Happy New Year, Guys!

I am starting a new “mission”, if you will. Unfortunately, I will be pretty much be gone from here.

So just wanted to say that I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and an amazing new year!

<3

 

I know you ohio fans are probably like, “heck yeah!!”… and honestly, if Ohio doesn’t have this same law, I’ll just cheer right along with you.

So I’m sure you’ve heard of the “rape insurance law”… passed by a bunch of white, rich, priveleged asshats? Yeah…

Something started by a bunch of self centered whiny brats? Yep!

“Well, I don’t want my insurance to cover abortions, so YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE IT EITHER!!!”

Wah wah wah, whine bitch moan…

and then a bunch of stupid old cunts decided to pass it.

and I don’t care if anyone disagrees.

You know, by passing that law, D&C procedures are also included. Therefore, if you are pregnant and have the misfortune of dealing with a miscarriage, YOU WON’T HAVE IT COVERED BY INSURANCE.

Good work, cunts. Good work!

Right to life of michigan, go suck it, cunts. Replubicans, go suck it, cunts.

I don’t feel like being nice. You want to tell me what I can and can’t have covered by insurance, THAT I’M PAYING FOR, becuase you’re a whiny little cunt? You can go die in a corner. YOu want to police my body? Go suck it, cunt. I have nothing nice to say to you.

Hope your wife never has a miscarriage and needs that procedure done! Cause either you’d have to spend MORE money for a stupid rider, or just pay out of pocket, because of a bunch of whiny little cunts.

Hope your wife, daughter, girlfriend don’t get raped. Or get pregnant by their relative!

You know, I would normally not wish rape or incest on anyone, but I think all these cunts should be raped repeatedly by someone they know, have their body and control invaded … and then have tough decisions to follow, because they don’t know anything about it. They need a taste of it, before they just pass laws that affect those who DO KNOW WHAT IT’S FUCKING LIKE.

Bunch of effing cunts.

and I don’t care if you disagree with me. In fact, this is MY PAGE. If you dont’ agree, click off now. I don’t want to hear your opinion. Just go away. You want to boss me around? Well, BACK AT YOU, CUNTS.

I tend to open my mouth and just get myself into trouble.

Last night was interesting. I used my voice and then things just kinda went crazy. It always kind of amuses me how some people never talk to me, until they have something they disagree with me about.

But anyway, everything you say comes with a price.

I need to focus on my daughter, me, keeping my life private, using a journal and staying the hell of the internet.

C ya!

I’m going to bring my facebook rants here…

Rant 1: I’m very very glad that we chose to send Brianna to public school. I happen to be surrounded by people who are very negative about public schools. Newsflash, not everyone is rich enough to send their kid to private school and not every child needs to be homeschooled. Brianna loves it, she’s learning a lot and that’s all that matters. I’m glad I wasn’t some stick in the mud about it and negative like these other people. Kids can get a good education at a public school. *rolls eyes*

Rant 2: You ever heard the breastfeeding nazis say that your kids are only going to be healthy and smart if you breastfeed? After all, breast is best. *and hell, I fully support breastfeeding*. but I spent so much time beating myself up for it not working out and, guess what, my daughter is JUST FINE. she’s healthy and she’s smart. Yes, she’s smart. She’s doing very well in school.  She has a great memory! Hey, I want her memory! I wish I could memorize stuff as quick as she can, lol. Point is? if breastfeeding doesn’t work out, it’s not the end of the world. Don’t beat yourself up over it, becuase your kid will be just fine. It’s really not the end of the whole world. It’s really not even worth the emotional energy.

Rant 3: I swear to God, I’m sick of how people treat mental illness. Unless your a psychiatrist, I don’t want to hear your opinion on what I “need” to do or don’t need to do. Who the hell do you think you are? Why the hell are so many people insensitive and stupid? Maybe doctors love to just prescribe pills, but … dare I say… SOMETIMES THOSE PILLS ARE EFFING NEEDED, DOUCHEBAGS! SHUT THE HELL UP.

Why do I have to be surrounded by all the idiotic assholes? Seriously… I’m tired of people shoving shit down my throat. I’m no longer listening to anyone. YOu’re not my doctor, you don’t know me or my pain, so shut up and leave me alone. And if you want to shove your thoughts down my throat, I will have nothing to do with you and your stupid ass. Thank you.

Yep, a very cold day in hell.

My hell…

 

 

We do that every year. i’m going to have to go back to when she was um… just a baby and see how she’s grown every year. sniff…

She said today, “Next year, I’m going to be in first grade. When do I get to go back to kindergarten?” lol…

 

 

By the way, I could not ever ever ever be a photographer of children. You have to have patience out the wazoo and love to repeat yourself! lol. Just.No.

 

 

This expression cracked me up…

 

 

 

 

And then… this is my profile pic, but you can’t see it.

 

I love long hair! And I have no desire to cut it yet. So yeah.

She made a card for our cousin Ryan

playdough, coloring book, crayons and stickers

Love the Target $1 Section!

and there’s my baby ornament.

Uhhhh, she won! lol  Well, I won candy land, but she won everything esle, lol.

She dressed up as Jessie. I was rudolph the red nose reindeer

hehe… You know… I may be biased, but I think Megan is an awesome name!

After this, she put all those pictures together and made a “picture memory book”

Well, this is what I’ve been up to. Basically, my aunt is now in a nursing home/rehab center? for rehab… anyway… the company/guy who normally does her leaves has taken his sweet ass time and so, since we are currently incomeless, my aunt and her neighbor are paying “us” to do her leaves. (the reality is… Oh nevermind. wont’ say it)

that’s two days worth. We went over today, but… I now have a cold. I would love nothing more than to take it easy, especially since last week I was babysitting, then depressed the rest of the time…

But anyway…

It’s also time for our yearly tradition… THE CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN.

So you know… after being busy all day with RAKING and SCOOPING and BAGGING leaves, we still had to put up the tree. that was our day one. (not to mention, this place is a mess. Yawn. I try to keep up. Yawn. I’m exhausted.)

This year, I decided to use this handy dandy dry erase board! This allows me to be able to change things up, if needed. And it’s fun!

We did get it up! Hey, that was the goal! lol. But we can’t find all the darn plugs for the lights. I feel like I’ve searched the whole tree! My memory from last year just aint all the good. And so… she wanted to decorate, but that will come later! Gotta figure out the lights! But hey, it’s up! lol

Today is day two, but you’ll have to wait till tomorrow to know what we’re doing today!