Well, hey, I don't think I've ever made a post at 6:30 in the morning, before. Normally, I'm sleeping. But the physical pain I'm in required some pain killers that will take about, oh, an hour to kick in.  But the bed was nice and warm and I do want to crawl back into it, since I did only go to bed at 3 and I don't have many hours to make up some sleep. Oh. Well.

So, what should I talk about...

Gee, I got nothing... how about a picture post! I'll now post my favorite all time pictures from my life. How's that! I haven't done that, before.  Best source would be facebook, where most of my pictures are. And maybe I'll share some stories behind the pictures... Here goes... *took me over an hour to get all these pictures saved, lol. 3 hours of sleep does a body gooood. I feel so sick, though.*

And these are in no particular order...

These 3 people are awesome and I miss them.

 

 

 

From our road trip to Colarado.

 

Grand Canyon trip, 07

Grand Canyon

 

Catttsss... mine

for some reason, I just like that picture

This was our apartment. The apartment complex we managed. I know, they're nothing to look at, lol.

 

We went to Disneyland for our 1st anniversary.

and the san diego zoo...

The special blanket my aunt made for us

Baker, CA

I did love my wedding dress..

Vegas

My street here in Michigan. Yep, where we currently live. This is a beautiful neighborhood!

That's my mom, Bri and me. I think it's neat

The cowboys...

I loved swimming around in this pool. Maybe, this year, we can put it back up! Wooo!

Hey, she's 2!

Her first birthday cake.

Happy 1st birthday, Bri!

 I loved this photo shoot, haha. Soo stinking cute.

On our road trip to move to Michigan, we stopped and saw Dougs friend Ollie in New mexico. OH boy, that was fun, lol. That was where I spent my 22nd birthday. He's good with kids.

See? We drove from Las Vegas, NV to Michigan IN THAT. Yup. I need therapy after that... lol

Jamie!

Rayce

snow in vegas!

Ed. He's stinking tall, let me tell you!

lol... no comment...

I love the pics of him with her, after she was born. So cute

I miss the bellagio fountains. Always loved that

After giving birth. Hey, not everyone can look awesome after pushing out a baby.  I challenge all moms to post their immediate post child birth pictures, lol. I was exhausted, can ya tell? lol No one tells you that the worst part of labor is the pushing part. lol It is, believe me!

 

Awww, snickers. Loved that baby kitten. 

That was a cool place to eat. *shrugs* 

Guess that's all for now.

And, see, by the time I'm actually posting this, I've been at this post for close to 2 hours. that is pathetic. I should have gone back to sleep. Poo! Long day ahead!

I'm going to do more of these posts, but do them in categories of things... Cause this all so random and, really, these aren't all my "favorite" pictures, haha. Just random ones. 

But, have a good day you all!

 

writings waiting on the wall
stars are lining up to fall
you and me stare and talk forever, together
every little second glance
every minute in my hands
every words another dance I follow
you lead me

it feels like a feeling I can't erase
got a heart in check every move I make
the more I stay the more of you I know I want to know

Yeah I want to stop the sun and
keep the day from coming
never let you go
And I want to stop the spinning
keep the night from ending
even though I know it won't

chasing off horizon lines
far away from city lights
nothing we can do to fight to feel what we're feeling
even though we don't have long
drive away a million songs
the only now is almost gone
so it's now or never

Yeah I want to stop the sun and
keep the day from coming
never let you go
And I want to stop the spinning
keep the night from ending
even though I know it won't

Oh what a beautiful world you see it, you see it
oh when you give what you know that you needed, you needed
oh now I know that I don't want to leave it, I need it to last

-Stop the Sun, Ross Copperman

 

 

Back in 2009, I started my "Weight Loss journey". Now, I've pretty much logged my whole journey, thus far, on Xanga. I started it here, will end it here, but I do talk about it significantly less as the years go by, lol. And I wasn't always under this xanga name. However, in all that time, I've never once posted a before picture or anything. Nor have I shared any tips. See... it's been a long time coming. I'm not really ashamed of this, but it's taken me 2 years to really "get the hang of it" and work on things. I ate out of depression and was really bad with emotional eating. Yuppers. And that was a battle working through. But, now, I can really talk about this, because I've made enough progress and have more confidence with this than EVER. You don't think you can do it? Neither did I. But I did and I continue too. I can't tell you how good that feels. So, I decided to share some of my journey with you all and some of my tips. I'll start with the pics.

This one was taken in 2009, on a Zoo trip. It was the first time I really just... could see myself and what I had done to myself. I wasn't happy and decided to change.

 

 

 

 

This one was taken this year, back in January I think. I was able to fit into that hoody and was so happy. Now, maybe it looks like a dramatic change or maybe you can't tell any change . The important thing is I can. Not only based on pictures, which is amazing by the way, but in how I feel. Just over 30 lbs down.  Oh, yeah. And I haven't been on the scale in two weeks, now... so who knows. Maybe more. Except, this week sucked... don't ask. And... but.. I'm getting over that. In fact this should also be a reminder to me and a good boost for me, too.

So, some tips... things that helped me. None of these are earth shattering or anything, lol.

1. Write down your goals. What your goals would mean to you. Why they are important to you.

That was one of the first things I did. I wrote down a list of my goals, what I wanted to achieve and what my goals meant to me. I would love to share that with you guys. I'll have to do that on a separate post, though, because this one would be wayyyyy to long! Just be realistic with your goal. For example, on your first "weight' goal, be extremely realistic. those two pictures? That was reaching my FIRST goal. So, don't be crazy and go for 25-30 lbs. Maybe do 10. I never thought I was going to reach my first goal and wanted to give up, so give yourself some consideration far before that point. Don't be like me. lol In that regard, at least.

2. Support is great, but be able to do it on your own.

I had support when I first started. I had others "doing it with me". NONE of that, or them, lasted. You have to be able to do it on your own. This was key for me. Not being dependent on what others are doing/eating around me was VITAL for my success. Sometimes, it's a pain in the ass. Not going to lie. I live in a household with 5 adults. I have to cook for 5 picky adults. It's crazy. And 4 of those adults bring home crappy junk food A TON. I have to be strong on my own. Period. And I have been.

3. Find something that inspires you.

For me, it's Self Magazine

it helped me embrace my "inner athlete". If you think it and feel it, it will happen. Fake it till you make it? Something like that. Plus, I love the healthy recipe ideas and tear out workouts. Um, DUH!

4. Don't drink your calories

*looks around nervously. lets not talk about the 2 liter of coke that just disappeared from my fridge in 3 days*.

Technically speaking, I do drink Juice. The key is more water and don't consume more calories from your drinks than you drink water. I used to guzzle soda like a champ. you know what soda does to me now? bloats me like no other. Like a mother... you know. I just finished that blasted 2 liter and I literally felt pregnant. Not. Fun. I LOVE water, now. I had to learn to like it, though. Just like I had to learn to like whole wheat pasta. I love both now. Just can't have whole wheat pasta more than a couple times a week, in smaller doses, because it bloats me, too. Who likes to feel bloated? Not this girl!

5. Celebrate your successes.

Do a giddy dance. Do girly squeals on the scale *like me! girly squeals*. I'm good at girly squeals. the point is, celebrate. Enjoy what you've accomplished.

6. Forgive yourself.

You'll struggle. It's a for sure thing. Boy did I. I could go 6 month stretches of time yo-yo-ing all over the place. It's bound to happen. Just try and forgive yourself and don't punish yourself by giving into more cravings. For me, I punish myself with food. I just did that yesterday, in fact. No, seriously! If I feel I deserve to feel like crap, I'll force food down my throat just to feel like crap and punnish myself. No joke. DON'T DO THAT. Forgive yourself, revisit your goals often and KEEP GOING. And be patient, too. Don't feel bad if you splurge and get all down about it. Enjoy it and move on. If you are like me and punish yourself with food, just forgive yourself and go on. Don't beat yourself up over it. I've done that enough to know that it ain't worth it and is a total waste of time. let me tell you.

7. Learn to Love exercise

First I would say that you need to discover what exercise you want to do. If you hate the idea of going to the gym, there are awesome workout dvd's you can do in your living room. If you don't feel like "exercising" but fitting more active activities into your life, like walking around your neighborhood, that's good too. Find what you LOVE and do that. Life is too short, in my opinion, to spend doing things you DON'T love. I don't like doing the 30 day shred, but I've done it. But if something truly sucks and drains me of motivation, I stop doing it. I change it up often. I can't do the same thing for long. Maybe you want to try zumba? Kickboxing? Go for it. I love kickboxing. I have a dvd for that. I love walking. I actually love jogging. I'm working on that. And I love my kettle bell!  In fact, in the next two weeks, I'm going for 30 mile walks. Find something you love to do and then challenge yourself and just enjoy it. Exercise and being active is really fun and the endorphins are such a rush! Love that!

Well, I guess I'll stop there. I'm sure I forget a bunch of stuff, but I'm going off what's in my head. I did write out a list of things I wanted to share, but it's not around me, right now. lol  Yep, that's me being all prepared and junk.

Just know that you CAN do it.  

Oh, another thing, I've never restricted myself. Ever. If I want it, I eat it. The key is moderation. It's not easy though. You're talking to the girl who could down a whole bag of Dove Chocolates in a sitting.  No kidding. I've done that, lol. I learned to love dark chocolate and having 1-2 peices a day helped with chocolate cravings. You just have to be brave and try new foods, too. I can't say that I particularly love veggies and fruits, but knowing all the good they do for my body helps it go down a bit easier. And if you need too, find a mantra to repeat to yourself! I think mine is ..."So nothing can stop me". That phrase means a lot to me. So find something like that, too. 

okay, that's seriously all for now. Hopefully I can help at least 1 person out there. That's really my only goal ever. If it helps 1 person, my job is done! You can do it. 

 

*Something I wrote in my journal, last night*

***

I will get what I want.

I will not let anything or anybody stand in my way.

I will not let anything or anybody defeat me.

I will never give up my control and lay down and take a beating.

I will not give anyone the power to hurt or control me.

Never again.

I will rise above it all. I will be strong. I will persevere. I will win. I will WORK HARD. I will make sacrifices. I will be patient. I won't ever compromise what I stand for.  I will be patient with myself. I will get it.

***

Truth be told, I'm needing to work through so much aggression, right now. I need to get myself a punching bag for the basment and kick and punch the shit out of it. That's what I need.  And, now, I'm thinking of taking up boxing or something. Oooo that sounds like so much fun. I want to see what I can do...

To add to this, in the words of Rascal Flatts (this fits perfectly perfect with how I feel right now)

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place

Isn't that the truth? Made me feel awesome listening to that song, this morning.

Well, back to what I was doing, now... No more excuses. If I want it bad enough, I'll fight for it and I'm going for it.

I just need to get some things out. So, bear with me.

I don't even know where to start. I learned a lot, tonight. I guess, I just, in my own ways, worked through some various emotions in some very interesting ways. I've really enjoyed the 1 one 1 with some of you. Talking things out and getting help with things and what not. Definitely appreciate it.

It was hard for me to post that sexual fantasy post. I did learn that I titled it right. It was a fantasy of mine, but I can't even read it, now... I don't know if that is really for "me". I can keep doing that with various fantasies I have, but sharing them here? Knowing full well... well... It's just... I don't know. I know that I've, err, looked at porn... looking for a way to release frustration, but porn equally frustrates me, anyway. I hate it. I hate that I've looked at it and I thought that, maybe, this would be another way to get away from that. That's my #1 bad habit I've never been comfortable sharing. Well, there it is. it's out there. I'm not proud of it. it frustrates me and has caused me to hate myself, sometimes.

I've talked about Divorce a lot on here, too.

And how are they possible connected?

Hopefully, I can get through this without crying. I just simply started to THINK about some of this, when I was eating a tasty reese's egg (darn sugar), and just started crying. In the span of a few hours, things just completely changed for me. It's weird.

I started writing out the fantasies for a couple reasons. 1. I thought it would be fun. 2. I thought it would ease my frustration. Some of you saw right through my "hypothetical" situation of a husband who told his wife she, basically, had to earn sex from him. That would be my husband.  And I'd be that lucky wife. Now, see, another thing is we haven't had sex in 4 years. We've only been married for 5. It's really not about sex anymore, for me. I do just want to feel loved and close and I feel neither. Oh well. Boo hoo. I know. So, in the last couple months, I've been opening my mind to Divorce and feeling guilty for it, which is why I feel such anger when it comes to divorce. I always thought people would hate me or judge me. Well boo hoo to that, too. If one must tell me, "I told you so", I would simply responde, "yes, you did. And I agree with that, now". If they keep going with it, I will not talk to them. If they need to act like perfect people, they can find someone else to be self righteous with. It will not be me. That's their problem and I have enough of my own.  That's one of the things I learned tonight! I don't know why I care so much.

Being in an unhappy marriage just isn't working for me. Not anymore. I'm not saying I'm totally ready for that step. I can think of a few more things. I'm no angel. I do need to work on myself. I'm not some abused girl. I'm not. I've felt emotionally abused, but I'm sure he feels similar, so... I'm not going to play that card. There was just a lot of things I didn't know then, that I do know now... I had to grow up and I made a mistake.

I made a mistake.

It happens. That's life. I need to accept it and try and move forward, no matter what steps I do take.

It's why I'm focusing more on what I want to do with my life. I need another step to take. I need some independence. I need to learn that I can do things on my own. I need to be strong. And I still feel so incredibly weak and vulnerable, but I do get stronger every day. And for that, I'm thankful and it gives me hope!

Speaking of hope and dependence, I said in my vlog that I didn't feel like reaching out for help, because I didn't want the help. Truthfully, and I'm sorry to say this, I've considered suicide on really dark days. Sometimes, I lose my hope and I want the pain to end. On those days/nights, I should have NO SHAME for reaching out. I'm only saying that, to say that I'm stronger and overcoming those feelings. I know suicide, to me, is a very selfish choice. Leaving behind my daughter and my family? That would be selfish of me and I know I really would never want that. So, if that thought every crosses my brain, I'll give myself permission to reach out to a friend and not feel guilty.

And if getting out of my marriage helps me deal? I should do that too... That's why I wrote out that one post about lucky gals, it was because I was happy to see girls in love with guys who were as equally in love with them. I can't help but think that, maybe, one day I'll feel that, too... It's just not that way right now. I hold out hope for one day... however that ends up coming to be. I have hope for a lot of things and that hope is an important thing to have.

I just have to be strong.

*Side note. I will, maybe, post more of those... fantasy whatever things.however... I'm doing so PRIVATELY. In other words, if you really ARE interested in reading them, tell me and I'm making them protected. You can still read it, I can still get it out, and not everyone will have to see it. That's what I've decided. So there! lol. But you'll have to tell me*

*Not to totally kill this post, haha, I thought I'd explain a couple things first. 1) I'm trying to write "erotica". Technically, this was my just putting the fantasy down on paper, but... I was happy with it.  2) This is the first time I've ever done this, so it may not be all that good.  read at your own risk, haha. Don't say I didn't warn you. But I enjoyed it and that's all that matters. Plus, practice will make it all get better.  And gosh dang it all, this makes me so stinking super nervous, haha. Oh geez... okay, fine... here... lol*

She is lying in a dark, cool room. The windows are open, letting in a cool breeze through the gently moving sheer curtains. The moon is casting a beautiful light and shadows into the room. She is lying there, staring out at the beautiful night, enjoying the feeling of the cool breeze.

He comes in the room and crawls into bed with her. He gently puts his hands on her arms and rubs them up and down her arms, then pulls her over so she's laying on her back. He kisses her gently, yet passionately. He whispers how beautiful she is and how much he loves her. She whispers how much she loves him and how amazing he is, all between gentle, soft kisses.

He continues to touch her lightly. He gazes down and stares into her eyes. They smile at each other. They look at each other with such love and longing. She raises her head to kiss his lips and he moves her back down as they begin to kiss deeper and more passionately, enjoying the feeling of their tongues together and the warmth of being close.

His hands go down to her breasts, down her stomach and he gently touches her legs. He looks down at her and tells her how beautiful she is, in a whisper.. He begins to kiss down her neck. He kisses her shoulder. He kisses her collarbone and then he kisses just at the top of her chest. Her pulls her up and begins to pull her shirt over her head, gently and slowly. He stares at her, whispers how beautiful she is. He slowly takes his shirt off and she puts her hands on his warm chest.

He lays her back down and kisses her gently and sweetly, and then stares deeply into her eyes. He begins to kiss down her neck, again, to her collarbone and back to the top of her chest. he then gently kisses on breast, then the other. He touches her breasts very softly and gently. He looks up into her eyes and whispers again how beautiful she is and how much he loves he. With one hand placed gently one her breast, he kisses her passionately.

He pulls away from her lips, keeps his face close so they both can feel their warm breath on each others lips. They feel the longing and wanting they have for each other. She raises her head to kiss him passionately. She holds his head in her hands as she deeply kisses him, and he runs his hands down her the sides of her body. They pull away, feel the warm breath, and kiss again.

He lays her back as his hand slides from her sweet lips, down her beautiful breasts, her stomach, to the top of her pants. He slowly pulls her pants off. He looks at her again and smiles. He slowly pulls her underwear off. He puts his warm fingers between her legs and feels her warmth. He gently slides he fingers inside of her, knowing how much she enjoys that. He watches her face and her body as she enjoys the feelings he is giving her.

He stands up, looks into her eyes and smiles as he slides off his pants and boxers.  He climbs on top of her and kisses her deeply, as she runs her hands up and down his arms and places her hands on his warm chest. He then enters her slowly and gently as he stares deep into her eyes, wanting to look at her as he enters her. She starts breathing heavier and moaning very softly.

As he gently goes in and out of her, getting deeper with every stroke, he begins kissing her. Through the kisses, she is moaning softly and beautifully. He stops moving inside her, runs his hands through her hair, smiles at her while holding her stare, feeling completely connected. He whispers how much he loves her. She whispers how much she loves him and he kisses her hard and begins thrusting a little harder and faster.

She wraps her arms around his neck. He puts his arms on either side of her and keeps his face close, stealing a kiss and feeling her warm breath on his lips, through her moans of satisfaction. He begins thrusting even faster, knowing they are both close to releasing. he grabs her arms and pins them out to the sides, takes her mouth in his and thrusts even deeper as they both begin to feel that release. The moans, the breath, the pleasure, the love.

After they both release, he stays inside of her and kisses her gently. He looks down at her beautiful face, and she looks up at his handsome face, and they smile at each other. They breathe heavily together, enjoying the closeness and the warmth they created. He tells her he loves her. She tells hims she loves him. They kiss gently and hold each other.

 

So, today was the day of doom... err, I mean, babysitting 4 kids. Truthfully, this post would come with pictures, but I'm too lazy to upload them and all that jazz.

They got here around 12. Earlier that morning, I had gotten the upstairs cleaned and laundry started. And I had some time to just chill, because I knew I was in for it.

4 kids total. My daughter, though, was 1 of the 4. Now, normally, she's not a handful. She becomes a handful around dinner time, most days. That's when I want to rip my hair out. Get her around other kids and I want to rip my hair out the majority of the time.

Thankfully, I was not left with the 3 month old baby. But I did get to hold him a little before the mommy and daddy left. BIG UGH! Brianna really wanted to hold him, so she sat on the couch and held him and I was just like, great... great. GREAT. Melt me, why don't you. I don't want another one and here is my daughter being very gentle and awesome with this tiny kid. kill me now! lol I started to waver. It only took thoughts of breastfeeding and sleepless nights to quickly snap me out of it, BUT HE IS SO STINKING CUTE and, for a minute, I kinda hoped she would leave him, so I could just cuddle him. Good thing she didn't, though, because the other 4 were enough to drive me up a freaking wall.

Parents of multiples? You have my respect. You must have mad skills or something. I just am NOT cut out for it. At least, not yet. Who knows. I don't know all my strengths . So, at first, they were all playing nicely and I was like, "Awww.. I could totally have more". But once they had their hot dogs for lunch, they were jumping off the walls. Then it was a day filled with snacking on sugary treats and, gosh, that's a great and fantastic idea!  

By the way, the ages were like this... 6, 4,3 and 2. Yeah, I know!  So, the two oldest ones were the boys and I thought they would be the easiest. They really wanted to play Bowling on the Kinect, so I went ahead and set it up for them. All that led to was them arguing over who had the bald character and who had the one with hair, they didn't want to be girls, heaven forbid. I couldn't talk either of them into it, so I had to keep restarting the darn thing to get a stupid boy character, cause I signed in as a girl, duh. lol  Then they fought over who would go first, so I said the fighting had to stop or the game would be stopped. Then the 6 year old would cry after every one of his turns, because he just wanted to keep bowling. They were pushing each other. It was great fun.

The 2 year old girl was content with watching Mickey Mouse and eating sweet tarts in my grammas room. Bri went between the two rooms to pester all of them. With the boys, she would get in the way of them bowling, then she moved on to pushing the 4 year old. They do like to wrestle and what not. Anywhooo, that was fun. They fought over toys, too, of course. At one point, when I was trying to make lunch, my daughter had used her spinning toy on her hair, so I had to figure out how to untangle her hair from the toy and I was kinda freaking out inside, while i have two other kids saying, "I need help with this... I NEED HELP WITH THIS!" LOL.

Um, I'm not super woman, now, c'mon!

I did my best.

Thankfully, My sister came over to help me. LOL. She called and asked and I practically begged her to come over. That way, all kids were managed. Unfortunately, I had the boys most of the time. I would have rather spent more time with the wonderfully adorable, mild tempered 2 year old girl. I even got her to the potty in time and she made a "big poo poo" in the potty, that she had to show everyone. lol  There were no diapers left for her, though, and she wasn't quite potty trained, so I had to just give her some of Bri's pull ups. and the girls are a year apart, but this little girl is super little, so I had no idea if any diapers/pull ups would fit her.

Lets see, at one point, I'm trying to hold 1 kid, while another was fighting over a toy and I tried to grab my OJ and, well, it got spilled all down my pants and the kids pants. Great. Then it got spilled again, all over the floor. OH, yay. I just started cracking up at how hilarious the day was going. The fighting, the tantrums, the fact that the house was an utter disaster, by that time, and now i had OJ to clean up off the white-ish carpet.

Holy crap!

Once the mommy got back, I was trying to get a picture of Bri holding little baby Derrick. Well, I had to run upstairs to get my camera and, on the way back down, forgot that there was a teddy bear on the steps, totally stepped on it and slid and fell down the steps, making a big thud sound. I heard some laughing and then the, "uh, did you just fall, are you okay?" LOL. Yes, I'm okay. But then one of the boys whipped the computer chair around and hit me right in the elbow and THAT brought tears to my eyes. My arm was killing me. lol

The making play dough cakes, near the end, was the best part. But, I gotta say, the 2 and 4 year old were the easiest. My daughter and the 6 year old were the WORST to deal with.  lol  They didn't leave till close to 6 pm. Long day.

Oh and I got spit up on. Breast milk spit up. Yay!

I'm exhausted.

When all was said and done.. Bri was a mess. The house was a mess. I couldn't wait to get her to sleep, tonight. And I'm pretty positive I'll sleep like a baby, tonight.

But, seriously, just watching little baby Derrick blow bubbles and smile was enough to get my gears flowing for another little baby. Ugh, Ugh, Ugh. What the...? Just no. No! N... Then my husband called and asked if I wanted 4 kids, now? LOL. Oh, yes. That's a fantastic idea.  I gotta say, my cousin has some real strength to do that day in and day out. She's got the 4 kids and a husband with a hurt hip again, that might call for surgery. She's amazing. I'm not that amazing. lol

I've been racking my brain, for a while, trying to figure out just what I'm meant to do with my life. I've always said, I don't want just any Job, I want a career that makes me HAPPY, that I LOVE doing and I just can't figure out what that is.

So, here are things that interest me and that I would Love to do for the rest of my life. The cards may not play out this way, but If it does, I won't complain and trying never hurts!  It takes time and patience, both of which I feel I run short of, lol.

Photography

I love looking at other photographers pictures and get ideas of what I would take pictures of. Back last May, on our trip to colorado, I had the camera in my hand most of the way, taking pictures of whatever I thought looked cool. Turns out, they all turned out bad and it totally killed my mojo. I got back into in the fall of last year. Still, though, I haven't really gotten out and taken any pictures. I was going to do that on Fridays, but it just hasn't happened. I figure, once nicer, warmer weather is around, I'll get out more and go farther. It's just, when I'm out with my daughter, I like to make sure she's safe and not be snapping a bunch of pictures. I'd love to go out on my own, one day. Just go out for a walk on my own. Go far.  And take pictures of whatever inspires me. It's so much fun to think about and I absolutely LOVE It.

Writing

This one will take a little, uh, practice. I'm horrible. Grammar is not my, you know, thing. I did good in English class, but I think I use commas too much and, really, I lack a decent amount of creativity it takes. I did, however, write a short story. It was back when we lost our internet and I was SOOOO bored, during Bri's nap, and I had no Xanga to keep me company (Of course, back then, I also played world of warcraft and missed that, as well). So, I just sat down and for two hours typed out my short story. I was so proud of myself. No, I will not share it. It was a goal to cross off the list, but I know it's not that good and, therefore, is just my private story to be proud of.

I also wanted to work for a magazine. Not like a fashion mag or anything. Ugh, that would suck. But, I don't know, something. You know what I mean?

In fact, just last night, I tried writing, um, erotica (shhhhh!)? haha. it was a challenge to myself and I SUCKED. Probably wrong word choice, considering what I'm talking about , but yeah. *that was my lame attempt at humor*.

I would like to write a book one day.

Or write lyrics to songs. I LOVE listening to music and Love lyrics and by golly gee, I'd love to be a part of that! Holy crap, that would be so neat!

Personal Trainer

Meh. I do love to workout, but I'm not one to spend hours in the Gym. Nope. No sir. All my exercise is done in the comfort of my living room and I absolutely LOVE workout DVD's. That said, I now have a love for sweating and moving and wouldn't mind helping others get in shape and learning more about it, myself. The way I see it, I'd love a job where I can stay physically active. I just have to move.

Nutritionist

Well, it wouldn't be my first choice. But....

Dancer

Now, we all know I can't dance.  But there is a small part of me that wishes I could dance better and do that. Seriously. dead serious. I mean, we went to Sesame Street Live and I could envision myself as a dancing broccoli stalk. AHHHHH, that would be the life.

Hey, who you laughing at, punk?

*For those who CAN dance, it looks like a ton of fun!*

Counselor/Psychologist

Gee, I did study some in psychology and always thought I could help people in some way. Who knows.

*~*~*~*

Basically, I would like to do something active. I want to do something where I may be outdoors a lot. Of course, on bad weather days, that wouldn't be so great. You know what I really want to do? Go on a hike. I wonder what career I could get where I could take people on hikes. THAT WOULD BE SUPER STINKING FUN. I'm not the most outgoing person in the world (bahahaha, understatement of the year!), but.... I'm sure I could be social with people. If I tried hard enough. once people are trustworthy and welcoming, I warm up and become friendly. If one is a complete idiot douche bag, you ain't getting nothing out of me.

So, there, that's my current list. I may add to it. I'm going to do some searching and praying and more searching and more praying and, hopefully, with some practice, guidance and patience, I will get somewhere.

I want to make something of myself. And I want to enjoy every minute of it!

Is anybody out there?
Is anybody listening?
Does anybody really know?
If it’s the end of our beginning,
A  cry
A rush
From one breath
Is all we’re waiting for
Sometimes the one we’re taking
Changes every one before

It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go

Sometimes we're holding angels
And we never even know
Don't know if we'll make it,
But we know,
We just can't let it show

It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go
Yeah, letting go

It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go

- Holding On And Letting Go, Ross Copperman

Looooovee this song.