I had an idea in my head for what this post was going to be about, but I forgot most of it, lol.
I did type out my, as I called it, “xanga journey” post, and made it private. I make a lot of posts private and simply forget about them and never make them public. 
I need to do that more often with certain posts that I let “slip through the cracks”. 
And I just can’t help myself. I have some thoughts I wanted to get out…
I was turned on to xanga when I was interested in this guy I met online in a chat room. His ex girlfriend had one, so I read her page and what not. At first, to me, Xanga looked really boring and dull. Eventually this guy and I became “online boyfriend and girlfriend” and quickly “broke up”. LOL. *It’s okay to laugh. I’m laughing, too…* We were both 16. what do you expect. Eventually, I got interested in checking out this chick’s page, again, and decided to just start a page, myself. I can’t remember, oddly enough, what my first xanga name was. I know what the next one was, ButifulDisaster19. I never deleted it, it’s still up. It’s the site I met my husband on.
Back then, I just wrote whatever I wanted and didn’t really have THAT many friends. Goodness. I had some friends that were in Michigan, too, and one who offered to give me his phone # and wanted me to call him or something. Of course, back then, I totally wasn’t into that at all.
Then I got married and wanted a “fresh start” on here, plus I didn’t like the 19 in my name, because I wasn’t 19 anymore. I moved on to Brilliant_innocence. And, no, it’s not because I thought I was brilliant or innocent. It’s a song I liked at the time. I then blogged about more parenting stuff, because I eventually became a young mom and what not. But my favorite thing to do was argue with people. lol I would never say that I hated drama, because drama was fun. Ever notice how controversial posts get the most comments? It’s because that’s what people live to do, fight and argue and controversy draws people in, then they complain about it. I kinda liked it. Anywhooo… I felt like I was being mean to people and I wasn’t really being myself, so I wanted a fresh start yet again..
And you know, I saved up those blasted credits, got to just over 10,000 so I could change my name. I hated Brilliant_innocence. And, what do I do? Gave it all up. I decided I wanted to do a whole new page and, so far, I love this one. I left some friends behind. I always think it’s odd when people go through their “friends” on here and wittle them down. I like getting to know all sorts of people. However, I guess you could say I did that. I only friended some of the people I had on that page, not everyone. I also got bold and subbed to new people that I always liked seeing around. I’m so glad I did.
My opinions on a lot of things have changed over the years. Which is amazing. It’s fun to look back and see. Xanga has always been my one place to really vent frustration, express myself and build friendships. And when I started this page, I wanted to be a much more positive, nice, friendly person. And, you know what? I pretty much accomplished that. I know that some people on here don’t like everything I say, that’s okay. I think I even have a hater, but that’s okay, too. *Sometimes, my old arguing habits do come back and I’ll make a random post like I used to do. I forgive myself, though. Old habits are hard to break, but I’m doing a pretty good job at it. I said I needed a “clean slate” and I definitely got it*
I love how everyone on here does different things with their pages. Some like to share poetry and stories. Others share pictures. Others just share their day to day life. Others like to vent about what’s going on in their lives, if they’re going through a painful process of whatever and getting some support.
I only have 1 friend that I’ve known for all my 8 years on here. @TrainTrack and I love him bunches! It always makes me sad when I see someone leave for whatever reason, or when they just simply “disappear”.
Speaking of cleaning up friends lists, I did that today. I cleaned out the bots. And that was it. Even if the person never posts anything, I would feel bad taking them off. And I’ll never be the type to simply shut down my page to only my “current” friends, because you never know who you’ll miss out on. In the last few months, I’ve had more fun on here. I’ve met more people, gotten closer to others and it just feels awesome. And, who knows, maybe you will all stick around and we’ll know each other for a long time!
I did think about taking a “blogging break”, because I realized I was seeking “too much” from people on here. I tend to be a “people pleaser” and I get hurt easily. Well, I think I might take this place a little too seriously at times (Hey, no laughing back there!). But I love it. And honestly, I don’t care how I may come across, sometimes. I’m proud of how I’ve been up until this point, in the last several months since setting up THIS page. I’ve grown a lot and it’s fun to go back, read old pages and entries and SEE that. It’s incredble. And I do feel proud of that. And I can NEVER shut down old pages. I’m weird like that. I have to be able to go back and look at stuff!
Basically, my intent with this page is being fulfilled and I’m very happy with that. I feel like I’m growing into myself just in general. And xanga is a great place to share all that stuff.
And I’ve tried blogging elsewhere, you know. NOTHING can compare to this place. there is no community of people like there is on xanga. Which is pretty awesome, if I say so myself!
So, thought I’d share all that….
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