February 21, 2012
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Woman Up!
*Last Post of the Night, I swearrrrrr*
This has been on my mind. Perfect Love is giving more than you take. This is something an important person is helping me learn. I mean, it reminds me of the love a parent has for a child. The love God has for all of us, especially. He definitely sacrificed a TON for us. He gave his son to save all of our useless pathetic selves. What could be more meaningful?
So, having said that...
I'm 25 years old. I've held down exactly 1 job my entire life. I was an apartment manager and I learned that I didn't, necessarily, want to do that FOREVER. lol Seriously, just no. But, I know I could do it again, if it came to that. Other than that, I'm just a stay at home mom (You know, that easy "job" that's not a "job" at all. I'm just, you know, being lazy and such and depending on a man for my basic essentials in life. It's true. I'm being sarcastic for a reason and, quite frankly, I'm pissed off right now, which is probably going to make this come off even more snotty and rude, but here we go. Let's do this...)
My marriage is falling apart. It's crumbling. I mean, durrrr. Despite what Ya'll might think, I didn't marry him for his "money". LOL. Yeah, with an age gap like ours, what could I have possibly seen in him, right, besides his wallet and paycheck? I'm sure most normal people had that thought pass through their heads. NO, it wasn't really his money, per se, because he's made less than 20 k a year since I've known him. He was older, more experienced in life and I was just a dumb child who wanted to be "taken care of", not just in a monetary sense. But, I suppose you could include that anyway. Since, yeah, I was dependent on him then for basic essentials (food, roof over my head).
But before that time, I was being dependent on a WOMAN who made her OWN WAY in life and she didn't need a MAN to take care of her. What she has SHE'S WORKED HER BUTT OFF, FOR. And you know what, I'm pretty damn proud of her for it. And she was paying taxes to a state that was then supporting her lowlife dead beat creep of an ex husband in prison.
I feel like I grew up around some pretty freakin' tough women and I'm SOOO PROUD OF THAT.However, I have yet to really woman up! I've been dependent on a man. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, nope. You think I would. You'd think I'd have some clue. I do have some ideas, but... they haven't amounted to much and I'm pretty sure it's just going to take time and i'm not one known for being patient.
So, to my point, I've got to start somewhere and it's time I Woman Up. Get on my OWN TWO FREAKING FEET.
This reminds me of Survivor. anyone see the premier episode and how pathetic the whole thing was?
"Oh, women are so catty and we can't make our own fire, but damn, we look great in skimpy bikinis and lets flirt and seduce the men for a fire!
)"C'mon, ladies, GROW UP. Make your own damn fire. You went on SURVIVOR. Gosh dang it, do you not watch the show before going on it? YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO NEED TO MAKE FIRE. Oh, wait, there will be some man on your tribe to do it for you? No. Just make it your own damn self.
I consider myself strong, despite my many weaknesses. I'm strong and I'm weak, I just need them to work together for my benefit.
I have good examples.I may be a horrible wife to my current husband. Yeah. Yep. However, if I ever get remarried, and I really hope to, you know,
I'm going to be SOOOO different. I'm not going to be dependent for anything.If I have to be homeless and work my way up from nothing, I'LL DO IT! I'm not scared. Being scared for that, only makes the dependency worse. And, you know what, if we end up divorced, i'm not taking A DIME of his HARD EARNED MONEY. why? I don't care if we're "married" and what's "his is mine", He worked, I didn't. End of story. I wouldn't take a dime and that's what I mean, if I'm homeless and have to just start from scratch, I'll do it!
I'm tough. "Be a tough chick".
Yep. That's what I'll be!
I'm not a doormat. I'm not a damsel in distress. I'm a girl, but I can make my own damn fire. I can make my own damn money. I can make my own damn life.Thank you, very much!
*deep breaths*
And now I'm going to have a good cry, pick myself up and be tough. I've been holding this in for far tooooo long!
Comments (25)
I'm not a woman so I'll just say, "excellent post".
Sometimes we come to a place in our life were we are just ready to take personal responsibility for your future.
I like this. I'm also "just a stay at home mom" that has NO IDEA what I want to do with my life but I know I want to do something because I do not in any means want to do this for the next 18 years.
@TheTheologiansCafe - Yup! It's an embarrassing concept that I wasn't taking "personal responsibility" before now. That's probably why I'm so pissed.
@mommalosingit - I hear you, girl!
Love being a mom, but I can be so much more and show my daughter so much more. Good luck to you with finding yourself, too! It's by no means an easy road.
@Shadowrunner81 - Thank You!
though it is hard to face the truth, it is also hard to admit it to oneself. it is also hard to make it public. i admire your courage and strength for this post.
i guess you didnt go to college? i did like your vlogs. you will get through this and it looks like you learned somethings which is important. one never knows about how things will turn out with out taking chances.
@buddy71 - Nope, no college. I started into Psychology/Social work, but lost interest. Didn't think I could handle it. Then I just got married and... eventually landed the apartment managing job.
Thank you. This was definitely hard to share. Harder than anyone probably can even imagine. I appreciate your kind words. Really, I do! thanks!
@Megabyyte - **hugs**
You and I are very very much alike. Only I don't have the energy or courage to write about it
We are alike. Only i'm not a mom...thats why I read your stuff so much
If you think you are a horrible wife,maybe if you start being a better wife and treat your husband with respect HE will man up.Unless he is mistreating you in some way,why give up on a marriage you already have?My marriage isn't perfect,but I'll give it everything I have til one of us dies or if she leaves.A good marriage needs one who won't let go,a great marriage has both who won't let go no matter what.
Plus,if your child is your current husbands especially,you owe it to your child to not give up on the marriage.Just some thoughts.Muchg easier said than done
I'm not gonna lie, I hope you can make your marriage work. However, doing so just for the child can cause problems. There's nothing wrong with being a stay-at-home mom. There's nothing wrong with not being fully sure what you want to do in life. If you know that you are willing to take any job to make ends meet, then go for it. You have to start somewhere. You'd be suprised where just a normal job can eventually lead you!
You lost me at the whole remarrying part. What does that have to do with womaning up?
@QuantumStorm - It really doesn't. I don't know why I threw that part in, other than to make a point to myself that I'd be... different. do more. expect less. meh.
@AwakeInTheNight - Well, I don't know if really takes "courage" to write about this. I think, instead, it's best kept between the 1-2 people who you really can trust. Some people just "get me" and know what I mean, others don't. Sharing it with everyone is rather stupid. Or, at least just some parts of this.
Meh, when you share so much, you should expect to get judged like crazy. I'll message you later!
@Megabyyte - Divorce won't guarantee a positive change, unless you're currently in a dangerous situation. What I've seen is that a lot of women who divorce because they wanted something "different" really did so because their husbands could not provide for them the way they felt they deserved. "Different" often is equated with "more." Of course, I can't speak for you, and am only going based on my experiences. But I will say that it's a bad reason to divorce, considering the vows you made.
You can easily make yourself more independent within the context of your current marriage. Try and exhaust all other options before considering divorce, if you must consider it at all.
@QuantumStorm - That's good advice. I can't say you're wrong. I've always felt that way, that I'd do everything I could. I'm just so confused. That's all.
@Megabyyte - Being confused is okay now and then. But it's never a good idea to make life-changing decisions while confused.
What's the problem with your husband? And how big is the age gap?
I have faith in you, if I can can do it after ending a fifteen year marriage so can you.=)
Here are my thoughts. It's admirable you don't want to take any of his money. So, just don't file for alimony. However, just because YOU'RE the best one to raise your child doesn't mean that he shouldn't pay for some of her needs in addition to you & your family sacrificing for her needs as well. So I do believe he should pay child support. If you feel the system would make him pay too much, then just ask the court to settle on $100/mo or something.
Anyway, it's not like you're at that point yet.
And you know I'm here for you if you ever need me to listen.
I stumbled across your blog from the featured posts section, and I have to say I've enjoyed reading what I've read so far. What you write seems to be very sincere, and you write as if at the end of the day, when you find that time to write, you have a passion that you need to get out and across to people.
We have similar backgrounds in some ways, and... I suppose that's all I have to say. I wish you well.
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