January 24, 2012

  • What I think is truly going on...

    So, I don't really know WHAT happened, but I've said that in the last couple weeks, I've lost my appetite, I can't sleep, I've lost interest in things I used to love and I have quite the intense emotions. I go from super, stinking happy (I'm still happy, despite what I've been sharing) directly to panic attacks. I don't get it. I'm not NORMALLY like this.

    See, when I was 18, and stuck in that wonderfully, pleasant psych ward, I was "diagnosed" with bi-polar.

    have I been on medication for it since then? Nope. And never felt the need.

    I had postpartum depression, untreated, till my daughter turned 1, but after that, the depression went away.

    I've been fine.

    I'm wondering if... this has anything to do with my... supposed diagnosis? Because, this is NOTHING like the normal me. I feel like I'm here, this is me, I'm just not hungry, I'm not tired, and yet I'm exhausted with just life in general, been neglecting duties around the house and for myself. I just have totally lost interest in things. It was such a sudden change. And, I'm averaging about a 1lb weight loss every day (for those that know that I've been trying to lose weight, I'm sure you can imagine how happy I am, despite the fact that I have no appetite, lol. Silver lining!)

    I haven't... ever felt like this. At least not in a LONG time.

    I don't know what happened, what started this or what not, but I'll probably bite the bullet and see a doc. 

    Maybe all the lack of sleep, lack of nutrition and my crazy moods make everything more dramatic for me. I have not an earthly clue. It just kinda hit me this morning...  that something isn't right. It's confusing.

    *So, stay tuned. I'm working on some things and I swear I'll be back to the normally happy, making lame attempts at humor, positive, girl silly. Don't worry. Just bear with me for a while!*

    And I thank you ALL for the wonderful support and Love. I really feel truly blessed to have this outlet. I've been on xanga for YEARS and just in the past few months, I feel like I've built many wonderful relationships and everyone on here is sooooo nice. I love you all and appreciate you all and thank you all!

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