January 23, 2012

  • "I Can't Fall for You Again..."

    There's a certain song that pretty much sums up exactly how I feel, exactly how I would say what I need to say to a certain, uh, person. Whom I happen to live with. I'll stop there.

    I just need to know something. And I don't know what's better.

    Is it better to stay in a relationship, to honor the commitment you made, and just be unhappy, or is it better to break the commitment, as hard as that would be, just to find some happiness again? I'm confused.

    Anyway, this is exactly how I feel. And if you want to hear the actual song, it's currently playing on my page.

    I won't be the circus for you to star in
    I won't leave you roses to watch them die
    You won't be the heartache that keeps me sleepless
    You won't be the songs that I could never write

    I don't want to stay, I don't want to fall
    I don't want to have to see you leave me
    I don't want to take, I don't want to lose it all
    Maybe I'm a fake, maybe you're a lie
    Maybe our last chance died with last night
    I don't want to stay, I don't want to fall in love with you again

    I won't be a fortress for you to hide in
    I won't be the first one you think to call
    You won't be the regrets that I can't live with
    And we won't be the last ones to ever have to lose it all

    When we're scared and lonely
    We will tell ourselves we're only
    Just a word from what we needed
    But we know that this ain't right

    I don't want to stay, I don't want to fall
    I don't want to have to see you leave me
    I don't want to take, I don't want to lose it all
    Maybe I'm a fake, maybe you're a lie
    Maybe our last chance died with last night
    I don't want to stay, I don't want to fall in love with you again

    I can't stay
    I can't fall for you again

    -Again, needtobreathe

Comments (3)

  • *HUGS*  Nobody can make the decision & nobody but you should influence it either.  I'm sorry that you're unhappy & I hope that one day not too long from now you CAN be happy again.  No matter how that ends up going Megan.  

  • @MyTwoCentss - It just sucks. ha, there's a post up on datingish, right now, about how so many marriages are failing. I gotta admit, reading the comments, some of them, has really pushed me into panic attacks. I love it. But what can I do? It's a choice and I need to make it. And there's nothing but fear on either side, so... lose/lose. Well, not really. One will be a much bigger loss, so I think I have my answer...

  • @Megabyyte - It's hard to make a decision without the gift of hindsight.  I get that. 

    Maybe you could try something.  Imagine you are divorced.  That your husband is seeing someone else.  Would that bother you?  If it does, then perhaps underneath everything you still have feelings for him? 

    Is it HIM you are no longer in love with or is it his behavior and/or the situation you two are in that has you feeling a lack of love toward him? 

    For me, I feel anger VERY intensely.  I hate it.  I've been like that as a child probably because of the way my dad is.  I learned his bad habits.  So when I'm angry with Jim, I feel hatred toward him (and I'm sure that isn't right/normal).  I want him gone with every fiber of my being at that moment.  Sometimes if he continues to be in a jerk mood, then my feelings of doubt about our marriage grows as well.  Although once we talk about things & I've slept on it a few days, I usually feel better & am glad I didn't make any emotionally charged decisions. 

    So if you come to the conclusion that you wouldn't want him with someone else if you two were no longer together or that if things were better for you both (financially, on your own, etc, etc) then you would feel more love for him, then perhaps that means there is something there worth fighting for. 
    If not, then perhaps getting some counseling on where to go from there would be beneficial as well.

    *HUGS*  Praying for you both.

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