January 12, 2012
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Opening myself up...
I consider myself a fairly reserved person. I have secrets. I have deep thoughts that I DON'T share. I have questions and concerns that I NEVER talk about... but I want too.
Some of it is so personal, that I don't think anyone would understand. So I keep it to myself and don't talk about it. In fact, the only one who knows is God, because I've talked to Him about it some and he knows my heart. He knows my thoughts.
Anyway, just thoughts that I would love to share with a best friend and I have a best friend, she is my sister. I don't talk about it.
I guess I'm afraid to hear, "I told you so".
I could have seen this coming a million miles away, but when you're 19... you just don't think it would matter. Oh, but it does.
Anyway, these things burn in me. Things I want to let out. And yet, I don't feel like there is a "safe place" to share any of it.
Life is funny. I don't believe that living a life of regrets is worth living. We make mistakes, so we need to pick ourselves up and go on. But, sometimes... funny how that sounds much easier than is.
Regrets, I have a few.
I really do.
Or I don't.
I don't know how I feel.
I guess I'm stuck to my fairly reserved self, because this is as much as I can really share.
*sigh*
Comments (22)
*HUGS* We all have our secrets & a part of ourselves that we lock away & keep "safe" from the rest of the world.
I've opened up to people before (nothing too profound but more than most people would sometimes) in an effort to kind of bond & let the person know I want to trust them & become good friends. Unfortunately, I think people just take that as I talk a lot & share things easily. I'm sure it can appear that way. So I don't seem to have been able to make any really close friends in adulthood. That alone is depressing for me. (I love friends & having people I can trust. Since leaving college that has become almost non-existent.) So since moving to TX 2 1/2 years ago, I've not even made much effort. The little effort I have made has come up unsuccessful too. Everyone seems to think that since they have kids they only have time for their families (both immediate and extended) and their long time friends (since many times my neighbors seem to have been in the area a long time & made friends or grew up there). Sucks.
Okay sorry, not trying to hijack, I promise. Again, just commiserating. (I tend to do that.)
Okay, I noticed you just now changed your profile picture. I LOVE it! It literally made me lol! I've gotta copy that & share it on FB, Pinterest or something! Priceless!
@MyTwoCentss - haha, I got it from FB. A friend shared it and I did lol too. Priceless is the perfect word for it! lol
@Megabyyte - It's already on my Pinterest & FB page. *hehe* I'm looking forward to if I get any comments on it. (My friends are lazy so they'll likely only "like" it.)
@MyTwoCentss - haha. I want to share it so badly on my FB page, but I'm so afraid, too. lol. I never post anything on facebook, besides pictures. I maybe manage 3 statuses a year, so people aren't used to me posting stuff. It would be funny to post that and surprise everyone, lol. It's so funny! It works better for me here, because I share a ton more here, lol.
@Megabyyte - Oh wow, I never would've thought you'd be that quiet on FB. Not me. I post a new status about 3-7 times a week. Sometimes more, once in a while less.
I don't share things that are controversial there very often but I have a few times. (Abortion is a very important topic to me.) I do sometimes omit certain people from seeing things (esp my father in law) so they aren't offended or upset by the controversial things hopefully. I want to make people think but not turn them away. I've only lost ONE friend on a political post & she wasn't much of a friend anyway & was just a hypocrite (and I don't throw that word around much as it is overly used).
@MyTwoCentss - Yeah, it's tough. the only real life friend I have is my sister. I mean, I had another best friend, but we just... fell apart. it happens. It's just tough. I'm coming to learn more about myself, and learning to like myself more and more and I guess that's where the regrets are stemming from. I feel like I'm coming into my own, took me long enough, and now I'm noticing how my choices have really affected me over the years. ugh. If that makes sense. i'm at a point where I'm willing to share and want to share, but so afraid of the consequences of it. Besides, i'm a person who is always lost in thought and I know the grass aint green on the other side, usually it's a brown and not worht it at all, lol, but I can't help thinking that if I chose something different, things could be better.
Gee, I shared even more there than I thought I would, lol.
@MyTwoCentss - Of course, re-reading my previous comment, i wonder if that really made any sense at all, lol. This is what I get for staying up way too late, listening to music and being on here, but i'm just enjoying this time.
@Megabyyte - Anytime you need someone to listen, I'm here. I know what it is like to feel the need to share & then not be able to. It drives me crazy when I feel like I need to talk but Jim or my mom are at work & nobody I trust is online (as there are very few). It's like I want to burst! =P
I'm sorry that you're feeling a bit regretful about things but no matter what the situation God can get you through it. We're not promised an easy road but after going through the "fire" we do come out a bit more refined than before. That's what trials in life do for us, they help to define, shape & refine us to make us better & stronger. So hold on to that when things are tough & definitely lean on God.
@MyTwoCentss - I want to share more on facebook, but I have a harder time opening myself up on there. Even simple things seem like too personal, lol. It's cause they all know me. They remember me as a teenager from the church/school and all the things I've done/been through and, so, I'd rather them not be in every aspect of my life.Which is funny, since that's kind of the point of facebook.... lol. And I do share all my pictures, and those are personal. I'm just strange, i guess, lol.
@MyTwoCentss - I may message you some of what I'm going through. Maybe you can help me put everything into perspective. I feel closer to you than most other people on here...
*gives you a million hugs* You're the best person in the world!
@TrainTrack - That makes me happier than you could ever know!
Thanks! 
@Megabyyte - I have never known a truer friend than YOU!
@TrainTrack - I appreciate that. I could say the same to you!
(I don't feel I've always been a good friend to you, though.)
@Megabyyte - I have never known a time when you have not been a perfect loyal friend. You are truly amazing!
@TrainTrack - Well, I'm glad you feel that way. Because I truly care about you and want all the best for you!
*hugs* Love you.
@Megabyyte - Love you, too!
I consider myself also, "reserved". I get so frustrated when I hold things in. I'm continually learning how to express myself so others can understand.
@Megabyyte - I feel the same. Since I share my political & religious feelings on this account I don't feel comfortable sharing anything on here (in general) on my family or myself. I don't want that brought into any debates or people making nasty comments to me about my life or my political/religious ideas. However, I do feel I've gotten to know you well enough that I can share by messages as well.
@Megabyyte - I am too. I just wish the people I feel I could be good friends with didn't live online! *lol* (Aka - too far away.)
@MyTwoCentss - lol, yep. I agree!
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