January 25, 2012

• People are like the wind...

  

  (This really struck me)

  Our happiness should NOT be contingent on the people in our lives.

  However, maybe you're like me and have struggled with that.

  I'm currently really struggling with that.

  I remember when I was in high school and felt really lonely. My history teacher, at the time, knew what I was going through, could relate in his own way and kinda took me under his wing, so to speak. I remember just feeling so low and hated how he had to go home, before I could even express myself, so I sat in his classroom, with his permission, and wrote out a big long note of how I was feeling. The next day, he found it on his desk and that night, after school was over, he had told me how reading it made him cry. That began an interesting "relationship", one that wasn't really even allowed. My point in sharing that was, from that day forth, I relied on him for my happiness.

  Sounds crazy, right?

  Yeah. It was.

  If he was home sick, that was a bad day. If he had to leave early, it was a bad day. See, we got into this habit of chit chatting every day after school. Then his wife had her baby and he was out for a while, those were bad days for me. I missed the contact. I missed the connection. It was terrible. Then we had a student teacher come in and that SUCKED. I was so disappointed. You can imagine how I felt once school was out for the summer and, by the next year, being told that our "relationship" was "inappropriate".

  So, I guess you could say that spiraled me into depressed thoughts. Because he was what made me happy. Having his attention, his time, his love was fulfilling and made me happy.

  You could also say that I am, currently, very dependent on my husband for happiness, when that shouldn't even be the point. HE can't MAKE me happy. My happiness is a choice I need to make.

  Someone told me, "People are like the wind". They come and go as they please. You can't keep people around forever.

  It's SO true. SOOOOOO TRUE.

  You know how many people have come and gone out of my life? Plenty and it hurts every time. I'm sure you can all relate.

  My point really is that we can't be so concerned with other people making us happy. We have to CHOOSE to be happy, and when those awesome people in your life are around you, you can be even more overjoyed in the blessings God gives.

  Sometimes it's hard for me to be just Okay with a relationship with Christ, because I wish it was a lot more physical. You know? Like, I know he's our heavenly father and he's always there for us, if we let him be, and sometimes I STILL want more from him. When I don't feel like I'm getting that, I turn to other people and people are like the wind. You can't rely on them, all the time.

  Some of the things I need to do is find happiness in my own way. I need more hobbies, for example. I need to experience more things and I need to be more of the girl I want to be and less of the girl that I don't. Which is easier said than done. I find myself so caught up in stupid things, how other people are or aren't treating me that I let more important things go by the way side, sending me even lower than I want to be. Instead, I should be more focused on doing what's right, being the best person I can and relying more on God to carry me through and provide the true JOY only HE can bring. I have the choice to see it and accept it or not and that's a choice I have to make DAILY. It's a choice we all have to make DAILY.

  It's not always an easy choice, but I've learned that most things that are worth anything in life, don't come easily.

   

  • 9:29 am
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