January 21, 2012

• Something feels different... Something has changed...

  This is probably all going to be rather... cryptic, because even I don't know what on earth is going on with me.

  I've been very reflective, lately. Very nostalgic. Times I miss. Times I want back. And, yet, trying to appreciate what I have, all at the same time. Knowing that the grass is usually brown, not green, on the other side and feeling like a fool believeing otherwise.

  I feel like my body is changing.

  I feel like my mind is changing.

  I don't know if I'm growing up, or feeling that I had to grow up too fast... and want to go back.

  I don't know what happened to all my old interests... In the last several weeks, I've lost them and they've changed.

  I've changed.

  I've gotten more... bold, strong and yet, at the same time, so incredibly weak and vulnerable.

  Yet, I'm filled with this sense of complete happiness and contentment and I just want to get lost in it.

  Lost in the moment.

  All of a sudden, these thoughts just come into my head, forcing me to think, remember, reflect and....

  I just don't know what to do with it all.

  part of me just wants to go sit on a cliff, looking out over the water and dream of all there was and all there could be... and making things COME TRUE!

  And part of me wants someone to be there with me. Someone who can hold my hand and be with me through all these feelings.

  It's crazy and so exciting and liberating and scary and thrilling and terrifying.

  I just feel like I'm a "new" me, all of a sudden, who wants to break through, take back power from everything and everyone who ever stole anything from me and be truly free. As everyone who read a certain post knows, I already do feel free, but I just mean some other things as well... other things I don't feel free from...

  *sigh*

  And yet, I can't stop smiling. I can't stop laughing. I can't stop enjoying this.

  *sigh*

  • 11:29 am
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