November 6, 2013

  • A Rough Road

    I've been having a bit of a rough time. It's hard to explain really and I'm not going to get into all the details that really I don't want anyone to even know. One day, I cried basically the entire day. I just couldn't stop. I felt miserable. Flashbacks, new memories of past trauma, I dunno what the hecks been going on, but that's been an issue. And sleep is a pretty good rescue spot. I honestly ... Well, I dunno.

    I always manage to make myself feel even more guilty for feeling the way I do. I feel bad, then I feel even worse because I feel bad and I feel that I shouldn't be feeling that way and then I feel bad because I don't feel allowed to feel anything, even though I still do and I just make myself feel really guilty. Feelings of guilt and shame and being dirty.

    Anyway... Just trying to hang on and fight through it and take it really minute by minute. Not even day by day. Right now, it's minute by minute...


Comments (4)

  • Sorry to hear that Megan. You're allowed to feel whatever you feel. Hope things get better soon.

  • do the nekkid happy dance. Always makes me feel better.

    But on a serious note, maybe you need something to distract you from it all. A hobby or job that will demand a good percentage of your focus, so you would not have time to think about things?

    • Not sure you will see this or not, lol, but I did look up a volunteer website. I just remember a while back, the march of dimes called my mother. They asked her if she would be willing to put packets together to like mail out to people and she turned it down. I thought, dang, I would do it! So I figured there was opportunities to do volunteer work from home. I still doubt my abilities with some of the things I saw, like reading and critiquing someones book. Like, do I have good comprehension and critiquing skills? ha! I have no clue! lol But, there are some interesting things to do. May not make money doing it, but it's giving back and I think stuff like that is totally worth it. I mean, we need more of that. more people willing to help others out for free so things can get done! I mean, seriously! So that's an idea I've been looking at.

  • I read a more recent post, so I assume things are still not going well for you.



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